What is a PHISBE? 
PHISBE is an acronym for Pictures of How It Should BE. These pictures are painted mostly in broad strokes, although certain areas are rendered in exceedingly fine detail. The medium is language, and the model is one's preferences, expectations, values, ideals, and strongly held opinions.

PHISBE are persistent elements of one's personality or identity, providing a self-styled means by which we are able to identify ourselves to ourselves and to differentiate ourselves from others. These PHISBE clutter the space in which we exist, leaving no room for possibilities or the creation of anything. Each of us has developed a huge portfolio of ideas and images of how things should look. These pictures seem to be such an inherent part of who we are that we assume that they are reasonable -- and that any reasonable person would agree. We think that it is commonly understood that something should go a certain way or look a certain way, so we leave these preferences largely uncommunicated. It never occurs to us that we would need to talk about them. We put together these PHISBE from bits of the past: scraps of memories and decisions that are unique to each of us. We started making these pictures when we were very, very young, and we have been refining them ever since. Most of us have had these pictures and ideas for so long that we pretend they are eternal Truths, when we have simply forgotten that we made them all up.

Often in 'significant' relationships, which people consider 'serious,' we are willing to punish the ones we love, or even scuttle the relationship, when our perceptions do not match our PHISBE. It is useful to note that our perceptions of what is happening are distinct from what is happening, as our perceptions are filtered through our sensory structures, interpretive structures and memory structures. It is also constructive to consider that our PHISBE are unique to each of us, and we have not communicated (or communicated fully) what we are expecting life to look like. When life does not match our expectations, we tend to believe something is wrong and we resist it. We often place responsibility for discrepancies between our perceptions and our PHISBE on people, institutions or entities that are external to ourselves.

Both one's perceptions and one's PHISBE are products of internal processes. No one external to yourself can ever be held responsible for your internal processes. No one has ever 'made you angry' or upset you, no matter how much you may want it to be otherwise. They did whatever they did, and then you processed it through your PHISBE (it only takes a second) and produced an upset or a reaction of anger. Whenever you begin to think that something should be some other way than the way it is, consider that you made that up. Of course, it should not be any other way than the way it is. If it should be some other way, it would be that way, but it is not that way. It is this way, which is always, already the way it should be. It is perfect.

Many people, upon reading this, may complain, "Oh, that is so fatalistic. We should always try to make things better. Some things should be changed: poverty, war, exploitation, oppression, abuse, disease" -- the list could go on. This sort of complaint is ordinary, deeply mired in PHISBE, and has never in the history of humanity made a difference. In the present moment, everything is perfect -- whole, complete, not lacking any essential part. It is useful to notice that being perfect is distinct from desirable, flawless or idyllic, and is independent of one's values and opinions. Life does not have to be fun or entertaining to be perfect. All is perfect in this present moment, whether you like it or not. No one can change the present moment. It is too late; this is how things turned out. One cannot change what is, no matter what we believe or pretend. Still, one can, here and now, create what currently is not and commit to having it be what is. In other words, at any time, one may create the future. In the moment of creation, the future transforms into an inspiring new context in which to hold the content of this present moment.

Mostly, people are not creating futures, instead choosing (accidentally) to suffer about apparently present moments that fail to correspond, in every detail, to some PHISBE from the past. In the encumbered presence of PHISBE, the capacity to create -- as well as any possibility for a future -- is concealed from us. Desires and demands make dramatic appearances, masquerading as possibilities, and getting in the way. Creating the future can only be accomplished in open space, devoid of PHISBE, where possibilities may be authentically deconcealed.

When you are willing to give up your PHISBE, in favor of experiencing the perfection of everything exactly the way it is, and creating inspiring possibilities and futures, you can communicate authentically with the people with whom you are related, and in so doing, you can be someone who makes a difference in the World. You would be fully alive, here and now, which is the only place and time available to us for living.